It seems this week my brain has realized that it's finally December and it's time to CHILL. I'm not sure why this happens every year, but it's definitely a pattern in my life. I work hard and steadily every single month of the year, but when I hit two months in particular - December and May - it doesn't matter how hard I try, I just can't keep the pace steady. I have to rest.
From what I know of yoga and just life in general, this is a good thing. I think we all naturally get crazy busy with family and friends and want to eat good food during this month because we collectively need a break from the day to day pattern of life.
December shakes us up, gives us super special days to be excited about, gives us traditions to participate in, or ignore at our choosing. I bet if you did a statistical comparison of December against all the other months of the year, it would probably be the least productive simply because work is not the most important goal or focus for the month.
So what is important? I've been asking myself this in my morning journal and throughout the day as I try to force myself through work that usually feels easy and effortless, but right now feels like trudging through molasses.
What is important? Is getting that project done really the most important thing right this second? Is grinding out another quilt really going to fix and finish the year in a successful way?
No. No, this doesn't seem like a good way to do things. This does not feel fun or easy or even healthy.
When you need a break, take a break! I'm reminding myself of this as I type it. I had to remind myself this spring as I felt a deep sadness over my grandmother's death that sadness is normal and I must allow myself to feel it.
Honor yourself and your feelings.
I guess that has been my mantra for the year and I have tried my best to listen to it. At times I've found my actions totally working in opposition to my feelings - adding more projects and work to my plate at exactly the time that I just can't handle the load.
Honoring how I feel at any given time has never been easy for me. I prefer to ignore my needs, I prefer to not remember that I'm a human who gets tired and I often find this lack of empathy is what causes me great pain, both physically and emotionally during these times of the year when I need a break, I need to rest, or I need to feel something hard that requires softness to accept.
There is always a fear that by giving in to a feeling, by honoring it, you will succumb to it, get lost in it and never return to the place you once were. Why slow down when you will only have to work harder to speed back up again later?
But what I've found is the opposite is actually true. Listening to that little voice that is asking for a break, that is asking for peace and less chaos, is an act of deep respect. By taking the rest, you are giving yourself a gift that your body and mind will return with a revitalized spirit and renewed energy when your break is complete.
So this week, after trying to white knuckle my way through several projects, I'm giving up. I clearly need to rest and just STOP.
Today I'm going shopping for gifts and this weekend James and I will bake cookies, pack presents in boxes, rest on the couch, watch some movies
Let's go chill,